This is the third in a series of special reports by Scot Crawford on the Rumsfeld interrogation protocols in action.
Click here to read the introduction
GOING GITMO PART III: LIGHTS OUT
Scene:
In Part 2, “The Futility Approach”, the Interrogating Officer (IO) at Gitmo explains to a (Pfc) how using BISCUITs (Behavioral Science Consultation Teams) will help them torture detainees better. BISCUIT leader Dr. Duress (DD)arrives early, and along with IO and Pfc, is standing outside an interrogation cell looking through a two-way mirror at a detainee who is shackled to the floor.
IO:
Hello, Doc, thanks for comin’ down. How’s your room? Is your Direct TV working?
DD:
Oh, yes. I caught “Good Morning, America: Time to Die” before I came over.
IO:
That’s darn good TV. You ready to win this war, Doc?
DD:
Yes, indeed.
IO:
Okay. This guy is a tough one. We tried the Futility Approach, the Sissy Slap Glove, and Dance Instruction, and he just won’t talk. How do we crack him?
DD:
Give me a moment to reflect…do you have a light?
IO:
Sure, Doc. That’s a nice cigar. Cuban?
DD:
Of course. Thank you. It helps me think to have this stinking, turd-like thing in my mouth. Now, I’ve taken the liberty of contacting the detainee’s mother in Afghanistan. At first she wailed and ripped her clothes, but I promised her if she gave us information we’d ask the Afghan men in her village to stop gang-raping her to punish her for letting herself be raped. That got her. She said that the detainee didn’t like to be away from his mother, and that he was afraid of the dark.
IO:
Can we use that?
DD:
Absolutely. Because with a person who’s afraid of the dark, when we want to tap into their deep-seated, unconscious desire to cooperate with someone they loathe and want to kill, we turn the lights off.
IO:
Ah! You go, Doc. You Harvard guys are ok. Some of these grunts down here don’t like having educated people around, because it makes them feel stupid since they never went to college or read a book and they grew up in a corn patch. Isn’t that right, Private?
Pfc:
Well, sir, some of them might…but I worked in a library, and I read a lot…I only went to a community college, yeah, but…hey, excuse me, Doctor Duress, but, um, are you sure it’s okay for you to be giving us advice on how to torture…I mean interrogate…people what with you being a doctor and all? You know, like, the Hippocratic Oath and “do no harm” and all that?
DD:
Oh, yes, it’s fine. The AMA had a big conference about whether BISCUITS were ethical and the final decision was that since we’re not on American soil, partaaaay!
IO:
And it’s a time of war, right? Desperate measures?
DD:
Exactly. When the sovereignty of the United States is threatened, when the entire country could be overrun, and it’s citizens turned into slaves of a Muslim Caliphate ruled by sexually frustrated psychopaths, who we could very well find shitting on the Lincoln Memorial on CNN where the Europeans could see us being humiliated, why, no measures are too excessive.
IO:
You got a real firm grasp of the stakes, Doc.
DD:
Oh, yes. You see, at Harvard they didn’t just teach us how to define reality for the rest of the world from a classroom where we seldom have to engage with it. We also paddled each others asses, carried grapes around in our rectums for a week, and got drunk and gang-raped a girl who was passed out. These things create a special capacity for mutual cooperation, an easy acceptance of personal humiliation, and a unique identification with Islamic laws that allow gang-rape as punishment. Muslims do it sober, though, which is very deep…
IO:
Man. And I thought parachuting into Afghanistan in the dark with orders to shoot to kill everything that moves made you hard. So, what’s our next move?
DD:
I suggest we focus on his Afraid-of-the-Dark problem. If that doesn’t work, we’ll move on to the Missing-his-Mommy issue.
IO:
Great, doc. Let’s do her.
DD:
Ok. Let’s go have breaky with my BISCUITS, they should be here by now. Let’s turn the lights off in the interrogation cell.
IO:
Doc, you baaad….You heard the man, Private. Lights out. Make sure you write down in the log everything our detainee does and says…
Pfc:
Yessir…
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coming next in the Gitmo series: Biscuits from Scratch
click here for previous scene — "Off the Chain — Going Gitmo II"
Off the Chain — Going Gitmo — Intro
