Dick my pumpkin
If you enjoy a good scare, try making a Dick Cheney pumpkin for Halloween. I did, and now people who see it flee screaming, as if from a subpoena, giving me the temporary illusion of having some power. But how, you ask, can one embed a Dick as slippery as Vice P. Cheney in one’s pumpkin? Answer?
continued. . .
Find a deeply shadowed image of Cheney and process it as described in the “Portraits” section at Jack-O-Lantern.com. 
They don’t do political portraits, but their pumpkin-carving technique outshines by several footcandles the crude work at www.spookmaster.com. Hey, spookmaster, where’s the sneer? The cold glint? The banker’s granite dome? Although, to his credit, the meister did manage to make Dick Cheney look a little like Alan Alda, a transformation so confusing not even Karl Rove at the top of his game could have swung it.
If you want to frighten the horses, and terrify trick-or-treaters into telling you that their parents belong to al Qaeda, here’s my very own Pumpkin Dick pattern. It’s best to cut out Cheney’s whole head and attach it to the pumpkin using a glue stick. The grey parts are the parts you cut away from the pumpkin. Jack-o-lantern.com says to use a tiny skill saw, which cuts clear through the pumpkin. But if you use an exacto knife, as I did, you can get a more modulated effect by leaving a thin skrim of pumpkin flesh here and there. In either case, the final result will be full of strategically placed leaks.
One if by land; two if by sea — Let the Dick Cheney Pumpkin Lantern light your way to freedom this Halloween:
Got a snap of a Political Pumkin Head of any stripe? Send it in, and we’ll make a pie.